The Mental Load: Why You’re Always Thinking of Everything (Even When No One Notices)

It’s 2am, and you’re wide awake, but not because of the baby or a noisy neighbor, but because your brain just won’t switch off.

The school trip form.
The dentist appointment.
The birthday present for your niece.
The snacks for the football match.

It’s endless. And somehow, you’re the only one keeping track of it all.

If that sounds familiar, you’re carrying what’s often called the mental load. A burden many overwhelmed working mums know all too well. And if you’re exhausted, resentful, or secretly wondering why no one else notices, you’re not alone.

What Exactly Is the Mental Load?

The mental load isn’t just about doing tasks. It’s the invisible weight of thinking about them, planning them, and remembering them.

It’s not just “put the washing in.”
It’s noticing you’re low on detergent, adding it to the shopping list, remembering to buy it, and then making sure the clean PE kit is ready for Monday.

And while you might have a partner who helps with chores, chances are you’re the one keeping track of who needs what, when. That invisible work takes up huge amounts of energy, and it’s rarely acknowledged.

Why Working Mums Carry the Heaviest Mental Load

Working mums often end up as the “default parent.” Even if both partners are capable, it’s usually mum who gets the school emails, keeps an eye on the family calendar, and makes sure the kids have packed their bags.

I want to be clear when I say this, this isn’t about blame. It’s about the way society has taught women to anticipate everyone else’s needs, and to see their worth in how much they do for others.

However, this results in you mentally juggling 100 open tabs, 24/7. It’s no wonder you feel exhausted before the day has even begun.

The Cost of Carrying It All

When you’re always “on,” your nervous system never gets to reset. That’s why you might feel:

• Snappy or irritable (even over small things).
• Disconnected from your partner (“why don’t they see what I do?”).
• Guilty for forgetting something, even though you’re remembering a thousand other things.
• Constantly tired, even after a full night’s sleep.

The mental load isn’t just tiring. It quietly chips away at your joy, connection, and sense of self.

How to Begin Lightening the Mental Load

Now although the mental load won’t disappear overnight, there are steps you can take to start sharing the weight.

1. Name It

Half the battle is recognizing that the mental load is real work. Talk about it with your partner or family so it’s visible, not invisible.

2. Do a Mental Load Inventory

Write down everything you’re carrying in your head this week, from school reminders to meal planning. You’ll probably shock yourself with the length of the list.

3. Delegate, Don’t Just Ask for Help

Instead of “can you do the washing?” try, “Can you be in charge of laundry this week, including noticing when it needs doing?” This transfers the responsibility, not just the task.

4. Let Something Drop

This one’s hard, but powerful. Sometimes protecting your energy means choosing not to do it all. And the world doesn’t end when the floor isn’t vacuumed today.

You’re Not Failing. You’re Carrying Too Much.

The next time you wonder why you’re so tired, remind yourself that you’re not weak. You’re not disorganized. You’re carrying the invisible work of a whole family on your shoulders.

But the truth is, you don’t and should not, have to keep carrying it alone.

Your First Step to Feeling Lighter

What if you could take just 12 minutes to reset your mind, calm your nervous system, and feel like yourself again?

I’ve created a free guide just for working mums like you: “The Calm Within the Chaos: The 12-Minute Reset Every Working Mum Needs.”

Inside, you’ll discover:
✨ A simple, proven technique to calm your mind (even on the busiest days).
✨ How to reset your energy in just 12 minutes, no matter how overwhelmed you feel.
✨ The first step to lightening the mental load and reclaiming your calm.

👉 Click here to download your free guide now

Because you deserve to feel supported, not silently sinking under the weight of it all.