How to Protect Your Energy & Set Boundaries As A Mum (Without Feeling Like the Bad Guy)

It’s Time to Stop Running on Empty

It’s 9pm, and you’re still in the kitchen, icing cupcakes for the school bake sale you didn’t even want to volunteer for. You’re exhausted, emails are piling up, and all you really want is ten quiet minutes with a cup of tea.

But you said yes. Because saying no felt impossible.

How many times have you found yourself in a similar position? If you’ve ever people-pleased your way into exhaustion, you’re not alone. Setting boundaries as a mum is one of the hardest, but most important, skills to learn, and protecting your energy doesn’t make you selfish. It doesn’t make you the bad guy. It makes you human. And it makes you a better mum in the long run.

Why Protecting Your Energy Matters

Your energy is the fuel source your whole family relies on. When it’s drained, you’re more likely to snap, shut down, or run on autopilot. That’s not because you’re failing, it’s because your nervous system has limits.

So many working mums feel like they have to keep giving, even when they’re running on fumes. But protecting your energy in motherhood isn’t a luxury. It’s a necessity.

When you feel calmer, clearer, and more grounded, your children and your partner benefit too. So you’re not just protecting yourself, you're protecting the quality of your relationships.

The People-Pleasing Trap

Most mums I work with tell me they feel guilty for saying no. They don’t want to let people down, seem lazy, or risk being judged. So they keep saying yes, to extra projects at work, to organising the family party, to volunteering for school.

But every yes to something you don’t want to do is a no to your own wellbeing. And often, it’s a no to your kids too, because they get the burned-out version of you instead of the present one.

Learning to stop people-pleasing as a mum isn’t about being rude or unhelpful. It’s about choosing where your precious energy goes, so you can give the best of you to the things and people that matter most.

4 Ways to Protect Your Energy (Without Guilt)

Here are some gentle but powerful steps to get started:

1. Pause Before You Say Yes

Next time someone asks you to do something, give yourself permission to pause. A simple “Let me check and get back to you” buys you time to decide if it’s right for you right now.

This small habit can save you from overcommitting in the moment.

2. Start Small

Practice saying no in low-stakes situations first. For example:

• “Not this week, but thanks for thinking of me.”
• “I can’t take that on right now, but I hope it goes well!”

Boundary-setting is like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

3. Swap Guilt for Gratitude

Remember, saying no often creates space for someone else to step up. Instead of feeling guilty, try reframing it as giving others the chance to contribute.

For example: “I’m so grateful for the support of others who can help make this happen.”

4. Use Boundary Scripts

Sometimes the hardest part is finding the words. Here are a few scripts to make it easier:

• “That doesn’t work for me right now, thanks for understanding.”
• “I’d love to help another time, but I need to prioritise rest this week.”
• “I can’t commit to that, but I’m cheering you on from here!” 

You’re Not the Bad Guy

Here’s the mindset shift that changed everything for me… every time you honour your limits, you’re modelling self-respect for your kids.

You’re teaching them that their needs matter. That rest is important. That they don’t have to run themselves into the ground to be “good enough.”

That doesn’t make you the bad guy. That makes you the kind of role model they’ll thank you for one day.

Protecting Your Energy is a Gift

Protecting your energy isn’t about cutting people off or doing less for your family. It’s about making sure the right things get your best attention… and that includes you.

So the next time guilt tells you you’re selfish for saying no, remind yourself - you’re actually giving your family the gift of a calmer, more present, more joyful you.